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June 15, 2012
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(Contains: strong language)
From the very start, I'm already alone.
Among pack of wolves, the weakest one will be abandoned and left behind.
I was the weakest one among my family.
So it's almost like it's natural for them to abandon me and leave me behind.

I envy the strong ones.
I envy all and every single one of them.
Because I'm weak, I was abandoned and left behind.
I envy and loathe every single one of them.




"Jean, come on!"

I was picked by the family of McFarlane.
They're a family of Shaman who decided to move away after the conflict inside of the Empire.
They're simply one of several groups of Shaman who decided to remain neutral and not taking sides.
That's all because they wished to live in simplicity and harmony with the others.

But everything was changed when the Empire decided to enlarge its territory.
Many fell victim to the Empire's conquest and many innocent lives has been taken away.
The family of McFarlane was one of them.

The very moment I came back to my consciousness, everything has been engulfed in flames.
Two figures were standing not so far from me.

Sorcerers.
They burned everything upon their path, leaving destruction on their wake.
They said it was all for the Empire as they bear the crest of the Empire upon their robes.
But I'm sure that they're just simple-minded people who loves nothing but destruction.

At this point, I could simply just runaway.
I have nothing to do whatsoever with the Empire.
I don't want to get involved in some bloodshed where I know nothing about it.

If it was the old me, I'd probably do it and runaway.
I'm sure as hell that they wouldn't bother to chase me anyway.
But now it's different.
Everything has been changed.

The family of McFarlane has changed everything about me.
Natasha changed me.

I could feel it.
I could sense that Natasha is still alive.
I could faintly hear her heartbeats through all the ruckuss around.
And that's exactly why I decided to stand up.

"Ooh~ There's one who's still alive over here!"
"Don't bother. He's not even a Shaman, we're just wasting our time if we deal with him."
"Who knows, if we sell him along with this girl, we'd probably be able to get quite an amount of money."

I gritted my teeth.
I've always been afraid of losing myself all this time.
I've always been afraid that I'd turn into nothing more than a beast along the way.
Take personality away from an Animagus and you'd be left with a rampaging beast.

That's what I've always been afraid of.

I charged at them and managed to snatch Natasha away.
I could hear their yelp of surprise.
I don't care even one bit about them.

All I want...
It's to save Natasha from this destruction laying in front of us.

I could hear them laughing.
I could hear them chanting spells and magics.
I could feel pain all over my body as they attacked me and praised me for trying to stand against them.

Damn it.
I envy the strong ones.
I loathe the strong ones.
If they're so strong then why bother attacking people who can't fight back?

I want power.
I want absolute power.




"The blood within you is the blood of an Animagus."

I already know about that.
I don't want to think about it.

"If you unleash your inner beast and feast upon their blood, you'll get stronger."

I don't want to be a mindless beast that's only aiming for destruction.

"In this kind of matter, you have little to no choice. It's a matter of hunting or being hunted."

Damn it all.

"Release your internal instinct. Release the beast within. Don't hold yourself back. Slaughter them all. Taste their blood. Absorb it as your own. Recall the weight of your sin. Remember how painful it is to have your humanity being taken away from you."

So be it then.
If they loathe Animagus so much, then I might as well throw what's left of myself and become a beast.
I will become a beast of destruction.

"Jean Alcubrea, then I shall be taking your humanity away."

Take it.
Take everything.
Take everything you need.
I don't even care anymore.
I will sacrifice everything, I will sacrifice anything.
Everything in order to protect Natasha.




I used to think that I don't want to get involved into anything.
The very moment my family abandoned me, I thought I wouldn't want to get involved in anything.
But then everything changed because of her.
Her family picked me up and treated me as their own son.
Everything has changed because of her.
She's a precious person to me.
And I will do whatever it takes to protect her.

Argh, I hate them all.
I hate myself.
I loathe myself.

"Natasha, wait right there. I'm going to get rid of them real fast."

I could hear them laughing.
I could hear them sneering at me.
It's all painful. I could feel it all over my body.
What remains of my humanity is leaking away.

In the very end, I too realize that I'm too naive.
Having the thoughts of living with them could probably change me, it's just stupid.
I'm the descendant of an Animagus, from a family of Wolves Animagus.
Of course anyone who decided to approach me will get involved in bloodshed.

Transformation.
My father has always told me that it's the most painful thing for an Animagus.
After the last bit of their humanity slipped away, what's left is a beast.
A beast with raw power and no personality.

But I can't let that happen.
In order to protect Natasha, I have to maintain my consciousness away.
Even if it means ravaging my own body to do it, I wouldn't care.
Everything is for Natasha.

"What are you going to do then, brat? You're an Animagus but you can't even transform!"
"Yeah, that's right!! What do you think you could possibly change when you have no power to do anything."

Unleash the beast.

"Y-Yo, what's happening to that kid?"
"I-I don't know!! His whole body is trembling and growing!!"
"What?! Don't tell me that he's-"

I could see it.
I could smell it.
I could hear it.
I could sense it.
Fear.

"He's transforming!! He's turning into Animagus!!"
"Wa-Wait! Wait just a minute!! That's no ordinary Werewolf! That's the rumored White Werewolf!!"

I smiled.

"Those who are powerless are capable of changing nothing, that's what you said. That's fine with me. I already threw everything I have left away, including my own humanity, for a simple reason. I'm going to show you what am I made of."

I could sense all of it.
Even if they're trying to act tough like now, deep inside, they're trembling in fear.

"Ki-Kid, can't we talk this out?"
"Y-Yeah, we were just joking earlier. Can't you have a peaceful way to sort this things out?"

"I see. So the fact that you burned down all of the houses and slaughtered every single people deciding to stop you including Natasha's parents were a simple act of trickery?"

I could feel it deep inside my body.
Hatred. Anger. Pride.
It's all swelling inside of my body.
I am no longer a human.
I have no right to be called a human anymore.

"This is not a negotiation, not a suggestion, a deal, an entreaty, an agreement, a compromise, or a capitulation. I'm going to get you back for everything that you've done, motherfuckers."

And then there was a scream.
A scream filled with fear, anger, and regret.
There was blood.
I tasted it and it was disgusting.
But I am no better than them.

For someone who threw everything away like me, I'm no better than them.
I'm no better than a villain.
I'm a villain that's no better than a piece of shit.

It took no time for me to end everything.
I was bathed in blood.
I was consumed by hatred and anger.
And I threw everything, including my humanity away during the process.

Everything was just for a simple reason.
To protect one person.

Once everything is over, I made my way towards her.
She's still laying upon the ground, holding to her deceased parents.
And when I come to notice it, she's already asleep.
No, she cried herself to sleep.

I picked her up in silence.
And upon my hand, I could feel her moving a bit before eventually opening her eyes.
Her small hands reached for my snout.
And she smiled.

"Jean..."

At that very moment, for the first time in my life, I cried.




"Are you awake?"

I opened both of my eyes.
I could see Natasha sitting beside me while rubbing my snout at the same time.
I gazed around, there seemed to be nothing that would cause harm nearby.
And then I switched my sight towards Natasha.

"Sorry, it seemed that I fell asleep during the night watch."
"Mhmm, it's alright. You need to rest properly too every once in a while."
"I see, let's get something to eat the-"

I didn't manage to continue my words.
Natasha already reached for my snout and placed her cheek near my eyes.

"....... Natasha?"
"You're so comfortable, Jean."

And I simply smiled at that as I rubbed her head.

"What do we do now?"
"We can do anything we want."
"... where do we go?"
"We can go anywhere we want."

"....... let's go then, Jean."
"Let's stay together... forever."
"Mhmm!!"

Tears of Destiny War

Jean Alcubrea's Intro : Into the Werewolf




Tears of Destiny War Project by ~Deadly-Crow
Jean Alcubrea belongs to me
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